This week, we are talking about a topic that is extremely important when it comes to the safety of your loved ones and those around them—switching gears and taking away the keys. When is the right time to do so? Though a touchy topic, there comes a time where your loved one needs to give up the freedom of driving to protect their safety and the safety of those they encounter on the road.
As age increases, not only our minds, but our bodies begin to decline to the point that our ability to drive safely is inhibited. Whether it’s stiff joints that affect reaction time, deteriorating vision, or medical conditions that take a cognitive toll, we are excited to share with you various signs that it could be time to take away the keys—ideally BEFORE someone is seriously or fatally injured in a car accident. Hopefully we can also provide ways you can come to the conversation more prepared and ready to be an advocate for your loved one, to your loved one.
Signs it’s time
First off, it’s important to understand that age should not be the only reason for your loved one to stop driving. Age alone doesn’t determine ability. However, any combination of the following signs is a good indicator that it’s time to turn over the keys:
Multiple crashes or near misses
Unexplained dents in the car exterior
Two or more traffic tickets or warning comments from friends or neighbors
Expressed anxiety about driving at night
Medical conditions that explicitly inhibit the ability to drive
Doctor recommendations to modify driving habits or quit entirely
Frequent drifting into other lanes
Missing signs
Braking or stoping abruptly
Rapidly accelerating
Braking in the middle of traffic
Pressing the brake and accelerator at the same time
Going a slower speed than posted, or a slower speed than those around them
Backing up after missing an exit or a road
Difficulty reacting quickly
Problems with neck flexibility
Easily disoriented, even in familiar places
Failing to use turn signals correctly
Difficulty seeing obstacles, pedestrians, or other vehicles
Most importantly, you should ask yourself, would you let them drive your 5 year old child around?
Having the talk
When it does come time to have that talk, it’s going to be tough for all parties involved. It’s easier if you come prepared! It’s important that you avoid direct confrontation—stick to I’s instead of you’s. For example, saying “I am concerned for your safety” versus “you’re no longer a good driver,” allows you to convey their driving is threatening their safety, but conveys it in a way that allows you to avoid making harsh accusations.
Make sure that you stick to the issue at hand, and avoid centering the discussion around age. Focus on your concerns with not only their safety, but also the safety of those around them. You want to maintain positivity and come from a place of support, so make sure to emphasize you are doing this because you care! Ask if they’re willing to share some of the things they’re struggling with. Allow them to take ownership and contribute to brainstorming viable alternatives.
Speaking of alternatives, one of the most important things to consider before having this conversation is coming prepared with answers as to how they will get around moving forward. It is essential to understand that they likely feel that they are losing their independence. Remain empathetic, but try to help them understand that risking the safety of themself and those around them isn’t worth the extra trips to the supermarket. Don’t be afraid to reach out to any professionals and invite them to share in the conversation. Physicians, optometrists, and individuals within the Department of Motor Vehicles are excellent resources who can aid in supporting your concerns, as well as assist in showing your loved one that it’s time to turn over the keys.
Driving and Dementia
One of the trickiest negotiations with someone who has dementia is taking away their driving independence. It can be incredibly difficult to help them understand, especially when the dementia is still in early stages. However, it is imperative that you mitigate the problem BEFORE an accident occurs. Take time to observe the person’s general behavior; common signs of cognitive and physical decline that impacts driving abilities include clumsiness, inattentiveness to surroundings, and/or slower than appropriate reactions.
In this situation, we strongly recommend speaking with your loved one’s physician, and doing so before issues arise. Vehicular accidents caused by individuals with dementia can be deadly—don’t wait until it’s too late.